YOU can't change if your comfortable

I keep saying that phrase lately to alot of people.. you can't change if your uncomfortable... it is so true for me right now. I am preparing to graduate from the academy after 2 and a half years. It's crazii i always was like i can't wait to leave or i hate this place but now i am like NOO i have to stay. But in reality i need to go out and experience a life as a senior because that's what i am going to be. I haven't been to 'real'school since august 2007. And it was for only a month. Its crazy how fast time can go by. So now on Wednesday i am going in and registering for hopefully the best year of my high school years!(ok the only year of my high school years) But still... really my biggest fear is that i am gunna be the loser which yes i probably will be but i don't want to be the akward one. I have alot of things this summer going on. Its my first summer that i am gunna be busy!!! And i am pretty excited for the most part....

Soccer

I started out playing soccer when I was super little, so it pretty much didn't count. I would run around and chase the boys and then ask for my snack. But last year i started playing again. It was kinda scary at first because I didn't actually really comprehend the game i just attacked. That is actuallly true. I broke a girls leg one game.. it was pretty bad.. anyways we came out and got region title but lost in the tournament.. but we still got REGION!!!. So this year i tried out and made it. I was actually nervous becuase two of my (many) favorite people were coaching together. I was like ohh great i am gunna end up hating one of them. But so far i don't:) Anyways.... so we have played 4 games and were 1-1-2. Oh how could i forget... i am captain too. Its pretty rad i think. After our first game that we played against Oakley... we tied ... we went through this thing called 'hell week'. Literally thats what it was. We ran 4 5k's in six days of practice. The crazy thing is that i think we beat our time each time. The next game we went into we ended up winning. And then we lost the last two.. but thats a story for another time! You know i really think thats gunna be a rad season. Our team is made up of some pretty awesome girls who have talent in some way that can lead us to a VICTORY!!! in some way or another:) But we defenitly couldn't do it without some sense of direction thanks to our coaches!!

My Day

So today started out pretty good. In group this morning we had to cut up a cow and when we did we had to say something mean that we usually say to the girls (Mean Girls moment) at first we were all laughing about it and stuff but then it really got me thinking about that stuff. It was mentioned about the girl from Ireland who committed suicide because she was being made fun of constantly and bullied. We don't think that that stuff really affects us because were the ones causing it. Anyways so as we were cutting up the cow the beads inside of it 'the emotions' were falling out. We had to pick them all up for when we repaired the damage. I made the comment that those beads are just like when we try to repair a relationship, we can only pick up the ones we see but there are still ones laying around or hidden in corners. Same thing with the relationship, when you hurt someone and try to apologize you can only do so much. We need to be aware of the damage we cause because we never know 'how many of the beads' we can pick up. The rest of the day went awesome. We roasted hot dogs and smores and washed Jake's car. It was pretty fun and then me and jake and karen ate strawberries and chocolate. It feels too much like summer. My dad emailed me and said he's gunna rescehdule soon to come out and see me. Its been 2 and a half years and i hope he comes soon. My sister is supposed to come too. They are two very awesome people! Just like everyone else in my life:)

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LIfe is a small word big meaning.....

its crazy to think that i have been in west ridge for like 31 months... almost two and a half years. I remember when i got sent away the first time when i was 11 i was like you have got to be kidding me... and then I got pulled at 18 months. 8 months later I was sent to WRA and i was thinking to myself that i am done. Life can't get any worse. But its crazy to know that no matter what you say or do it will still go on. Last week i was talking to a good friend and we were talking about how he knew me when i was 14 and now i am going on 17. It made me think about those past two years. Honestly i don't really regret it because if i did i wouldn't be where i am now which is an awesome spot. I am living with a family that i love so much but its hard to say it out loud. I honestly get scared sometimes that it will be a replica of my family(not saying i don't have a good family) and that if i do something it will be like ' leave' but deep down i know it won't be like that. Its weird to think that i am where i was when i was two years old. Trying to find someone or someplace that will take me in and be my family. I guess in a way i am very blessed because i have that. No matter what i will always have someone to go to.
Something that i have come to terms with is that life is life. You only get it once. But people always say live it right... but the way i see i am gunna live it the way that when its judgement day me and the God can sit back and preview my life and cry and life becuase thats what its about. Yes i have made some pretty big mistakes but thats just it, its a mistake that i changed and learned from to make me better. Today when i was coming home i was with my foster dad and we had the windows rolled down and we were talking and laughing and i just kept thinking... this is life and i love it! i have waited a long time to have those moments and when i get them which is alot more now.. i cherish them. I feel guilty if i don't put this.. but i definetly wouldn't be here typing this if it weren't for God and his gospel and Him helping me find 'life' again!

I don't get it

Today i had the chance to go a nursing home for old people... at first i was like uhh i don't think so but then as i was walking down the halls i couldn't help but not think of them as real people. Those men and women once had a greater purpose then they do now and i think we just shut them out and let them die. Lets see things were good today. We had soccer practice which i felt like i would die cuz there was A TON of running but i lived.